this is my painting “When it All Fell Down” that i have been working on for the past month. i wanted to sit down and write about it because i’ve been asked many questions about it.

“is the girl you?”

“why is she crying?”

“what’s the story behind this painting?”


i want to answer all of them today, tell my story, and the reason i painted what i did. so here is the story of “When it All Fell Down“:

At the beginning, i went into this painting feeling drenched in anxiety, worry, and over all feeling alone. i felt the weight of school, family, friends, my own self, all piled on top of each other and it was suffocating me. i came home one day from summer school, feeling completely overwhelmed. i felt i would break at any minute. i remember i told my friend in the class, “i want to cry.” most of the time when i say that, i don’t mean it because i can normally keep myself somewhat together, but i couldn’t anymore. i walked in the front door, sat down by my mom and cried. i cried it all out. i was having so much anxiety about the littlest things.

later that night, i was sitting in my room doing absolutely nothing, i told myself, ” i can’t do this anymore, i can’t keep sitting doing nothing and feeling awful full about myself, so i grabbed a canvas. i took the biggest canvas i had and drew. i didn’t know what i was going to draw, but i just drew. i wanted every feeling i had out and that’s what i did.

The Girl: i started with the girl. now. this girl is not me. i did not go into this wanting a self portrait. i wanted a portrait of what was going on inside of me. so, in a sense, it’s a self portrait of me inside. The girl isn’t crying, that’s not what my intention was when drawing her. i see her as holding her head in frustration and worry. if you believe her to have tears, then she has tears, but me personally, she doesn’t have tears.

I drew the girl with no face because, again, this is me on the inside, so there is no face. it’s whoever you believe her to be.

The Background: I got the inspiration for the background from an artist i love on Instagram. Her name is Elena Gual. Her work, her style, everything she creates is incredible. She was a big inspiration to this painting alone.

the background took two whole days. i spent so much time making sure every swipe was perfectly imperfect. yes. i used a lot of paint, but with every swipe of paint, a swipe of anxiety was relieved, so i didn’t mind. I had a lot of fun with this palette knife technique. i think i’ll definitely do more in the future.

I chose the colors red, black, and white because those were the colors i was feeling. i talked to a friend one day and said, “it’s been very black and white, there’s no real gray area.” i can’t remember why i said it, but i did and it stuck through this painting. the red, i felt, said anxiety. i went with what my heart wanted to pour out.

this painting has helped me with so much throughout this passed month. i know it’s insanely cheesy, but art is truly my outlet. a way to escape, my therapy, my safe place, my home. i still struggle with my anxiety, i still worry, i still cry, that will never change, but this painting has made it all a little more bearable.

i am so insanely proud of this painting. it’s a piece i cherish close to my heart. of course, the artist in me, i have little critics that no one will notice, but i know they’re there, so it’s not perfect. art is never “perfect” there’s always something we wish we could have done better, but that’s okay. that’s a part of growing.

The Process:

thank you so much for taking your own time to read about this piece. it means the absolute world. many more paintings to come and so much more. have a wonderful day and keep creating.


Posted by:creatingbyjenna

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s